


The Void

by winterpillowtalk



Series: One Direction vs. Boring Jobs [7]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 15:40:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17389124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterpillowtalk/pseuds/winterpillowtalk
Summary: Louis is weird and can't shop. Luckily, there are people who can help him!





	The Void

It was Tuesday. The Day. He dreaded it every time it came around. It took every ounce of effort he had to muster up the courage to leave his house. He was happy sitting within the safety of his four walls; nothing could hurt him when he was sat in front of his laptop, watching Teletubbies for the seventh time that week. He loved everything about that show and had managed to immune himself from the pure fear that that once flooded his veins when the bear and lion forced their way onto the screen.

“I’m the bear!” came the infamous old woman’s voice from his laptop speakers.

“We know,” Louis replied, closing his laptop screen. He’d had enough of their frivolous tasks and joyous antics. He couldn’t ignore what he had to do — without it, he would surely perish surrounded by his 2000s children TV’s collectibles. “I have to leave,” he told himself, forcing himself up from his bed, making sure not to knock off his rare Sooty plushy onto the floor.

As Louis walked away from his bedroom sanctuary, he took a quick glance behind himself to make sure all of his prized possession where were they were meant to be. So what if his friends thought he was weird? They didn’t know his life! It was his choice to line his walls with various Polly Pockets and every toy he had ever received in a Happy Meal. He liked them; they made him feel like he had done something with his life, instead of wasting it away in his semi-dark, cluttered man-cave.

Taking a deep breath, he collected his bags from the Bag of Bags, located right next to the door. He had to accept that it was time: he had to go to Tesco.

***

As the number 28 bus approached the glass monstrosity, Louis felt his heart rate pick up. He did not want to go in. He hated it. It was big, sometimes cold, always without any phone signal and there was that one employee that he never wanted to see. He wished he knew their timetables so he could avoid that certain person. He would, if needed, change the day he visited the shops. He had never done that before, not for anything or anyone. Even when there was a four-foot snow drift right outside his house and none of the roads were safe to drive on, he uncovered the pair of snowshoes he had been saving for that exact scenario and walked the ten mile trip to the supermarket. Some would have called him insane, but he didn’t care. He needed to get there on a Tuesday — it was The Day, and if he broke the tradition the world would probably implode.

Louis was willing to bring on mass death if it gave him a chance to avoid bumping into that individual.

“Are you going to get off?” the bus driver demanded, bringing Louis out of his existential crisis spiral.

He nodded, clutching onto his reusable bags and forcefully ejected himself from the comfort of public transport.

Oh, how he missed the bus, despite it probably not being roadworthy. He was fully prepared to die on that bus on the way to Tesco; at least he would have met his demise on the way to that hellhole. His friends would talk about how he always tried to put himself out there — to face his fears. It would be a good funeral, he was sure. There wouldn’t be a Tesco in sight. Only then Louis would finally feel at peace.

He shook his head; he couldn’t fantasise about death in public. That would be weird. He couldn’t let his street cred fall; he had a reputation to keep on the streets of Doncaster.

He chose his trolly, making sure that the wheels were all working. He had been betrayed by a faulty trolly once before back in the summer of ’09. It was devastating, he had to move away and change his identity instantly. The screams… oh, the screams. The confectionary aisle in Morrisons would never be the same for him, nor would it be for the poor girl who he ploughed down. The thought still made him shiver.

Pushing the horrible memory to the back of his mind to be repressed for another seven days, he marched towards the automatic doors, his shopping list firmly in his hand. He had planned for this, his list was second to none. Everything he needed was on it; he would not be purchasing anything he did not need today. The deals? Didn’t interest him. The new items? He couldn’t care less. All he wanted to do was get in, pick up his items, pay and then leave in the quickest time possible. It was his goal. Once he had managed to do a full shop in under fifteen minutes, but that was at four in the morning. It wasn’t possible to do such a thing during the midday rush. Still, a good forty minutes were going to be snatched from his in this shop. He missed those minutes already. So many episodes of Teletubbies could have been watched in that time.

The force of the downward fans almost crushed Louis upon entry, collapsing him down at his knees.

He groaned, sensing he had mere seconds before someone came to help. He knew the employees swarmed around anyone who showed the smallest signs of weakness. He couldn’t let that happen to him. He needed to get through the day with the smallest amount of human interaction possible.

“Do you need any help?” came a cheerful voice from the distance. They had seen him. It was about to happen and Louis couldn’t escape.

“N-no,” he called, rushing to get back to his feet. If he was fast enough, he had a slight chance of running in the opposite direction.

“Let me help you!” the voice came, now closer than ever. He was getting too close. Louis hadn’t been quick enough. It was too late. “Beaten down by the fans again?” the man asked, sounding concerned.

Again? How did he know that it had happened every time Louis had stepped foot into the shop. It was embarrassing, but the fans above the door were too powerful. The people who didn’t succumb to their immense strength were just superhuman and could not be trusted.  

The employee was now standing in front of Louis, gazing at him. Louis managed to look forward, knowing that if he made no eye contact they would probably call the police on him and he didn’t want his murderous past to be brought up. “I’m fine,” Louis replied, gripping onto his trolly. “Can you please move? I need to get my shopping done.” Time was running out. He had already wasted precious minutes sitting on the floor and planning the best way to sink into the ground to never been seen again.

The employee laughed (to the tune of _Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)_ by ABBA). “I think it’s best if we give you your own personal shop assists. Just in case you fall again. We can never be too careful!”

Before Louis could insist that he didn’t need anyone following him around, the man had called over three other people. “Alright, Harry?” the blond one said, looking at the man who had unhelpfully helped Louis just then.

“Niall, Zayn, Liam,” Harry addressed the three new men. “He just fell as he entered Tesco. I think you guys need to walk around with him, to keep him safe.” It must have made sense to Harry. In his mind, this was probably the best thought since someone decided to remove wires from headphones. However, to Louis, it was the worst idea ever imagined.

He decided to insist he didn’t need to be walked around the store, but it fell on deaf ears. “I’ll be around if you want me,” Harry said, nodding at his workmates. And, with a hair flick, he strolled off towards the magazine section.

“He’s off to look at some fashion magazine,” Liam informed him. “I think they have a Gucci one now. It makes you richer if you touch it. Wild stuff!” Louis didn’t care. “Since we’re all together, and you know who we are, we should know your name.”

Louis didn’t want to give these strange men his information. He didn’t want to be part of identity theft. The thought of having to uproot and get yet another passport didn’t sit well with him. Besides, that was money he could be spending on renting limited copies of Bob the Builder’s never-released Bonfire Night special.

“I’m Louis,” he said, after a pause. “Why do you want to know? You’ll never see me again after this.”

“Or will we?” Niall said, raising an eyebrow. Louis had no idea what that meant, but he decided not to question it.

“Great!” Zayn cheered. “Can I call you Tommo?" 

“You cannot,” Louis replied. He only allowed one person to call him that, and that was only on the last Sunday of March during a full moon. Apart from those conditions, the nickname was strictly off limits.

Clearly ignoring everything Louis had just said, Zayn announced to the world,“jus bwts t go shoppin wi my man, Tommo!!” confusing Louis to how he had even managed to say that aloud. It made no sense. This shop made no sense. He was sure Tesco was another dimension altogether. Maybe it was a void, or he would wake up and everything had all been a dream. He didn’t know and didn’t want to question the powers that existed in and around Tesco.

Niall grabbed the list out of his hand, reading it aloud. “You need cheese, more cheese, The Sims 4, tofu, and bread. Is that is? What are you planning on making with this?” Niall obviously didn’t care for personal boundaries or socially defined norms. He went straight in there, harassing Louis about his dietary requirements. So what if he needed a kilogram of cheese? He had needs, and they were all dairy based.

Louis shrugged, opting not to fight with the employee. If he wanted this to be over quickly, he had to submit to them all, allowing them to ferry him through the allies and around the delis. He could do this. He had to do this. He needed to get back home to start on his mound of cheese.

“To the cheese place then!” Niall yelled, taking Louis by the hand and forcefully dragging him to the fridges.

***

People were definitely looking at him as three employees rushed around fetching things from the shelves and dunking them into his trolly. It was as if they didn’t want to make it look normal; they were purposely out there to humiliate Louis. These people, who he had just met, had already made it their mission to ruin his life and he respected that. It took a special kind of person to do that. 

“That’s your one thousand grams of cheese,” Zayn said, ticking it off the list for him. Louis knew it wasn’t all the cheese he wanted; being a cheese pro he knew there were only 950 grams of cheese in there, but he didn’t want to ruin Zayn’s obvious cheese high.

Liam Heeley’d passed, only stopping when he crashed into Niall on his stilts. “Why do you have so much cheese, anyway? You can’t be eating all of that by yourself. It’s not possible!” he said, stepping over Niall’s crumpled body. 

How dare they underestimate Louis. He could eat it all — he had eaten it all. He was a professional. It had taken years of hard training to get him to the place he was now. Besides, he was going to carve some of it as a gift for his friend. He had been planning it for a while and had just found the perfect design. He had to complete it when — if —he got home. 

“I think we need Harry back,” Niall mentioned, brushing the dust off his trousers. “The Sims 4 is too high up for anyone to reach.” This made Louis wonder if they had heard of stepladders before.

“Calling H. Styles to the dairy section. That’s H. Styles to the dairy section, please,” Liam screeched into the air. Unconventional, but it worked. Harry turned the corner in lightning speed, almost slipping on the ice-like floor.

“Hello?” Harry said, looking between the four guys in front of him. “Why do you need me here?” He sounded obviously annoyed, probably from being called away from his Gucci magazine time. It was probably a limited time the man had with them, so Louis understood his irritation.

“Can you reach that box on the top shelf?” Niall asked, too sweetly. It made a wave of nausea hit Louis right in the stomach and face.

Harry looked up, seeing the object instantly. He extended his mega-arm, grabbing it and putting it in the trolly in one smooth move. Impressed, Louis gave Harry a quick nod — he wasn’t going to tell him he found it somewhat amazing because they were British men. Showing any positive emotion would probably ruin both of them, along with the rest of society.

“Is there anything else you need?” he asked, pushing his brown hair up into a messy bun. “If not-“But before he could finish, Niall yelled.

“I NEED TO GO HOME!”

Everyone was silent, looking at the blond man. Surely he couldn’t just… leave? That wasn’t how capitalism worked. You had to stay there until you were about to collapse and then they’d consider giving you a ten-minute break. But announcing that you needed to leave so publicly? It was almost obscene.

“Which home, Niall?” Zayn asked, looking nervous.

“ _Home_ ,” Niall replied, emphasising it. Louis had no idea what was going on. Was Niall’s home more important than everyone else’s? Why did Zayn look scared? So many questions were around Louis' head, but the confidence to ask them died within seconds. 

“Well!” Harry said, coming back to life. “We need to get you to the stockrooms. This can’t happen here! It’ll cause too much mess. Go! Go! Go!” The employees began to push Niall from the fridges. “You come too, Louis,” Harry called as they continued to drag their friend around the corner.

Louis hated this. He didn’t want to go. This was already exceeding his social time, and his time he’d allotted to stay in the godforsaken shop. He wanted to go home, but he could tell that he’d regret not following the group to see exactly what was about to happen to the blond man.

Taking his trolly, he pushed it in the same direction as the men went.

 ***

Similarly to Louis’ heart, the stockroom was large, empty void.

 

Standing near the door, he watched as the four men rushed around, pushing crates and shelving units out of the way to form a blank space. They placed Niall in the centre of it, quickly moving back once they had made sure the man was as comfortable as possible.

“Have you got snacks?” Liam shouted. Niall nodded. “Games?” Niall nodded, again. “Your limited edition neon green leopard print golf balls?” For the third time, Niall nodded.

“He’s set,” Zayn announced, pressing the red button next to him.

A deafening sound filled the room. Louis could only compare it to the sound of metal scraping against metal or what he’d imagine blood-curdling screams to be. As the noise continued, the roof above them began to open, revealing the sky above. 

Never in a million years would Louis have guessed that this is what happened in the deserted stockrooms of major UK supermarkets, but he wasn’t as surprised as he thought he’d been. By now, he had accepted that every big store was another universe of its own, operating in different ways to what he thought his word did. Maybe, for them, this was their daily occurrence, no matter how bizarre it was to outsiders. 

“You're probably wondering what’s going on here,” Harry whispered, appearing beside Louis. 

“Uh, yeah?” Louis replied, looking between Harry, Niall and the ever-widening gap forming in the ceiling.

Harry cleared his throat. “Niall isn’t like us. He’s not from here.”

“I know that,” Louis said, narrowing his eyes. 

“You do?” Harry said, taken by surprise. 

“He’s from Ireland.”

“Oh,” Harry laughed. “No, he’s not from here as in not from Earth.” He said it so casually that the words almost didn’t register in Louis’ brain. “Don’t think too much about it,” Harry reassured him. “He’s not going to take over the world or anything like that. In fact, his mother is human. So I guess you could say he’s half alien, half human.” 

Louis blinked. That’s all he could do. His brain had turned into mush and no words were developing in his mind. He had to take what Harry was saying, presuming that it was the only logical reason to why the five of them were located within a disused backroom.

“He’s going back home,” Harry continued, not fussed by the lack of Louis’ replies. “I’ve never been, but Niall said it’s about fifty-seven billion lightyears past the moon. Fairly close, in my opinion.”

Too much was happening for Louis’ liking, but he couldn’t do anything about it now. He had to stay where he was and witness the sky turn a dark grey in milliseconds. When bright white lights shone down, Liam started to wave happily at the mass above them. It was the spaceship, of course. What else could it have been?

A stronger white beam shot down from the base of the craft, engulfing Niall completely. He gave them a quick salute as he went up, pirouetting within the lights. He looked fun, Louis couldn’t lie, but he didn’t fancy being abducted by aliens this early on in the week — besides, he had cheese that he needed to go home to refrigerate. 

With a loud _whoosh_ the spaceship had gone, leaving only a faint trail of white condensation hanging in the air.

“Aw, I hope he comes back soon,” Zayn sighed, watching the ceiling close slowly.

“He shouldn’t be gone for too long,” Liam said, putting a comforting hand on the other man’s shoulder. “Give him two weeks and he’ll be back on the floor with us as if nothing had ever happened.”

Louis watched them talk for a few seconds, wondering how he would ever live his life normally after what he had just witnessed. Should he call someone? The army? The Queen? Probably not. They wouldn’t believe him, no matter how hard he tried to explain it to them.

Sometimes it was best to repress a memory for another couple of decades.

“We should get going,” Harry said, pointing towards the door. “We can’t be gone for too long before people start to notice. We’ll cover for Niall again, said it’s another family emergency. But don’t make it too dramatic this time.” Zayn laughed. “Yes, Zayn. I’m speaking about you. Don’t say that he had to leave because a volcano erupted next to the sea. Say that his grant-aunt had to go to the hospital — something serious and against social convention to ever question.”

The two men agreed, walking out with them. Harry locked the door once everyone had left, leaving the space as if nothing had ever happened.

“We should let you go,” Liam said. “Sorry that this has taken so long, but we’ll get everything ordered to your house if you give us your address.”

“Uh, yeah. Thank you,” Louis replied, almost in a daze. Surely that couldn’t have happened. Maybe he was drugged — or was it the side effects from the quantity of dairy he’d been consuming? He wasn’t sure and didn’t think he’d ever get the answers to his questions if he began to ask. 

***

Louis left Tesco, his mind bleeding through his ears. He was confused, without food, and on the rattly bus back home as he tried to process what he’d just experienced. No matter how hard thought about it, it wouldn’t add up. Nothing made sense to him anymore. His life had changed, and there was no going back from it. From now on, he was no longer just Louis Tomlinson; he had become Louis Tomlinson the Tesco fan.


End file.
